How to Be a Superhero
Don’t do anything until you read the following tips:
1. Do not jump to conclusions
It’s possible you may not actually have a super power. If you were bitten by a spider, make sure to check that it wasn’t just a regular spider. Do you merely feel super? That is no guarantee but it is a good sign. If you have a superpower, great responsibility is yours.
2. Do not tell anyone that you have a super power
If you do have a super power, it is extremely important that you keep it a secret. If you don’t actually have a super power, it’s also pretty important to keep it secret. It is your duty to protect friends and loved ones by assuming a secret identity.
3. Decide how to use your super power
If you decide to use your super power to fight crime and help people, you will be categorized as a superhero. If you decide to use your super power for evil, you are a super villain. Simple. But if you use your super power sometimes for good and sometimes for evil, well, you’re probably still going to end up being considered a super villain. People have very high expectations of superheros: they expect them to be good. All the time. If you’re still not sure whether or not you really have a superpower, let me suggest being good, at least for now.
4. Don’t get the suit right away
Superhero suits, especially high-quality ones, with mask, boots, cape and utility belt, are quite expensive. Yes, a suit is important to protect your secret identity. You may think a superhero suit is a must. But if you put it on your credit card assuming your superpowers will allow you to crush coal into diamonds, or find treasure with X-ray vision, and it doesn’t pan out, you may get a call from your credit card company and it will get very complicated explaining the situation without revealing your secret identity. So don’t get the suit right away.
5. Anticipate skepticism
Police and law enforcement types may not welcome your help. This is natural. Even if you have a suit, they may not be prepared to partner with you. The police may question whether or not you really have a super power, whether you should be involved in fighting crime, whether you can find riches quickly, or even whether you should be running around loose.
Start out by helping people in small ways. If your power is super strength, try helping an old lady with her groceries. Do NOT try to carry four bags. Old ladies can be quite grumpy when you drop even some of their groceries. If you have the power of telepathy or super hypnosis, do not start trying to use it on girls. Just take my word for it.
7. Introduce yourself to other superheroes
Most superheroes join leagues. If your town doesn’t have any superheroes, you can search for them on the web. Again, don’t jump right into telling people that you have super-powers. Also, keep in mind that some people merely BELIEVE that they have super powers. This can lead to disappointment when joining a league or confederation that contains such delusional individuals.
8. Try to get a sidekick
All really good superheroes have sidekicks. Remember: your sidekick does NOT have to have superpowers. Jimmy Olson, for example, has no superpowers. It is MUCH easier to find a sidekick without superpowers. And it’s not that hard if you’re willing to treat for lunches. Make sure to swear your sidekick to secrecy. This is surprisingly easy, too.
9. Don’t quit your day job
Fighting crime on a freelance volunteer basis doesn’t pay that well. If you made the mistake of buying a suit too early you may be tempted to switching over to being a part-time super villain, but as discussed above, that can get complicated.
That’s it! How to Be a Superhero Hope these tips have helped. Good luck with your new super power!
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