7 Odd Amazon Products

photo of a squirrel maskThere are some weird and funny looking products at Amazon.

Shop early for Halloween or just peruse these odd looking items. Some of the customer photos are disturbingly weird, too

Click on any photo to see more. 

 

 

 

Unicorn Mask

Relive the olden days when unicorns roamed in abundance before they were hunted to extinction for their tasty unicorn meat. Be sure to  click the photo to check out the disturbing Amazon customer images for this one.

Lunch Lady Action Figure

According to customer reviews, this action figure is the spitting image of the lunch lady played by Chris Farley the Saturday Night Live sketch.  Since there’s only one Lunch Lady action figure, it’s pretty easy to collect them all.

 

Inflatable Turkey

Customer enthusiasm runs high for this item.  When you need a turkey fast, this is the answer.  Top Raman for Thanksgiving?  Be thankful your Thanksgiving table can still look the part with this delicious-looking bird.  Be especially thankful this item hasn’t gone the way of inflatable toast (see below).  Clean up is a snap.

 

Squirrel Mask

Shown here with a farmer get-up.  Do you feel a human-sized squirrel would wear overalls or go for more formal attire?  Tough call and that call can be yours.

 

Have you seen the little piggies in their starched white shirts? 

A greedy pig?  Right on the money for the 1% or someone who just wants to look the part.

 

The Town Nun Mask

Odd looking enough for you?  Ben Afleck fans will recall this look from the movie The Town.

Customers and the description claim it’s “extremely comfortable to wear.”  Glad somebody’s comfortable!

 

Inflatable Toast

When you needed toast in a hurry, inflatable toast was the answer.  Sadly, Amazon doesn’t know when or if inflatable toast will be back in stock.

 

So there you have them, 7 strange, weird looking Amazon products.

What is your favorite odd Amazon product?

Enjoy Amazon humor?  Check out more kooky reviews of odd products!

If you like weird junk check out a collection of odd but true facts about our world!

Funny Irish Toasts Old and New

Photo of a copyright free Irish clover for Irish toastsIrish toasts are filled with well wishes, references to drinking, and hopes for the devil’s delayed awareness of one’s death.

In preparation for St. Patrick’s Day, some genuine Irish toasts, followed by some New Funny Ones!  Read On.

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold pint– and another one!

May you be in heaven a full half hour
before the devil knows your dead.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door.

May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.

May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, and never catch up.

May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint!

May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.

May you have food and raiment, a soft pillow for your head. May you be forty years in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead.

May the roof above you never fall in,
And those gathered beneath it never fall out.

An Irish Toast for a Bachelor
May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up.

Source: Irish toasts at Island Ireland.com, the home of many more real Irish toasts and proverbs.

Now here are some NEW Irish toasts to prepare you for March 17.  Memorize them beforehand and toast away!

May the devil confuse your child with a potato and fail to take it.

May your house be exactly the right size to hold all your friends, but in comfortable positions.

Here’s to enough beer to drink, enough whiskey to be drunk, and a wife that doesn’t beat you too hard, when you come home completely inebriated.

May you never gain access to an automobile.

May your potatoes grow big, your children grow fat, your bar tab grow long, and your shamrocks grow flat.

May wild dogs find your body before the devil knows your dead, unless you’ve been good, but we know you haven’t been.

Click on the hat to turn into a leprechaun!

Here’s to a pint, two pints and some cabbage,  And plenty of coins in your couch when you rummage.

May you not confuse your wife’s sister with a wild hog and shoot her by accident.

May the road to the bar be flat in both directions.  With no cars, especially on the way back.  And sufficient safety features.  And not be a popular route of the devil.

May the bartender have failed arithmetic.

 

May your roof cave in, if you lack for libations,

So you don’t suffer long, from hallucinations.

Soon after he discovers your mother’s dead, may the devil ask for directions from a disoriented, drunken bum.

May your dog be the loyalest,

your friends be the bestest,

may the devil just find you,

wearing pants of asbestos. 

 

← Legitimate Irish toasts book (unlike these made-up ones)

 

 

Here’s to the devil being on vacation in case you get shot by a jealous spouse.

If you don’t wear green,

You’d better move fast,

Otherwise,

You’ll get pinched on your arm.

 

What’s worse than the snakes that St. Patrick drove out of Ireland?  Diluted whiskey! Traditional Irish whiskey stones chill any beverage without adding nasty, useless ice-cube water. Why dilute fine whiskey when you can rock it? 

Your turn!  Share your favorite Irish toast or add another new one.

Breath Spray Bestows Instant Irish Accent Use Irish accent breath spray before making a traditional Irish toast.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Shamrock photo credit: Wikipedia Commons

Looking for Irish gifts? Or just a bit of Irish luck? Or more Irish toasts and limericks? Or some more funny Irish sayings?

If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy Leprechaun with a Gun

News: The Book of Kells inscribed 1,200 years ago, now online.  Kells canvas 2

Funny Tales of America’s First Superheroes

Photo of cherries for America's first superheroesPresidents:  America’s first superheroes

Before Superman and Batman, America had its tales of the amazing feats of our Presidents’ incredible honesty and physical prowess.  

We honor them by putting their pictures on our money, which we hope to save by going to sales on President’s Day.

Some amazing unknown tales of American Presidents

Everyone knows the story of George Washington and the cherry tree.  Little George Washington chops down the cherry tree and tells his father, “I cannot tell a lie, it was I who chopped down the cherry tree.”  His father cannot bear to punish him.

Abraham Lincoln had a similar experience.  He is splitting rails in the hot sun and accidentally chops down a small persimmon tree.  Abe runs into the log cabin and tells his father, “Father I cannot tell a lie, it was I who chopped down a persimmon tree.”  And his father says, “Yeah, so what, they grow all over the place around here.  Now get back out there and split some more rails.”

Every school child knows that George Washington threw a dollar over the Potomac river.  This begins an American tradition of politicians throwing money, but usually at night, much of which does not get over the beltway.  Here’s a twist: Some of the money gets thrown back!

Not many people know this part about the flying Potomac dollar.  The next day Washington’s silver dollar is found next to a dead squirrel.  This begins a local belief in the “dead squirrel fairy,” with a subsequent drastic reduction in the squirrel population in that region of Virginia.  To this day, youngsters in rural Virginia put dead squirrels under their pillows.  True story.

Not many people know that Abraham Lincoln also tried to throw a dollar across the Kentucky River.  But it is a paper dollar and gets only about five feet before it falls into the water.  As Abe watches the soggy dollar floating down the river, he baffles his companions with the remark, “Darn it, a paper dollar is much like a persimmon tree.”

Lincoln would later get his face on the five dollar bill and the penny, while Washington is on the dollar bill and the quarter.  If you add $5.01 plus $1.25, it equals $6.26 which today just happens to be the price of a cup of coffee.  Coincidence?  Probably, but pretty amazing that anyone would pay that much for a cup of coffee.

Of course, other Presidents achieved less publicized but equally amazing feats.  As we know, Superman can crush a lump of coal into a valuable diamond.  If a lump of coal was hidden in his chair, President Howard Taft reportedly could squeeze it into finely crushed coal.

President Grover Cleveland, who is on the $1,000 bill, was once mayor of Buffalo, which is on the old 5¢ piece.  Coincidence?  

Ben Franklin who was not President but is on the $100 bill and was once on the 50¢ piece, printed Poor Richard’s Almanac on a printing press, which also is used to make money.  Poor Richard Nixon is not on any money and was the only President to resign from office.  “Almanac” spelled backwards is “canamla,” a meaningless term.  Coincidence?  Not really.  Lots of words don’t make sense when spelled backwards. 

Amazing fact:  Did you know that if you reverse the second and third letters of “Romney for President,” you get “R money for President”? 

Fun fact: The Supreme Court, which ruled that corporations are people and money is free speech, were all appointed by Presidents! 

Money and Presidents just keep showing up together! 

So happy Presidents’ Day, the day we celebrate saving money and America’s first superheroes.

Cherries photo credit from freedigitalphotos.net