Super Funny Texts Between Superman and Wonder Woman

drawing of LIGHTNING BOLTS for Super Funny Superhero HumorSuper funny superhero humor has reached new heights!

If you like superhero jokes you are going to love this super funny link to NPR.

The premise:  After a sleepover, Superman texts Wonder Woman throughout the next day.  

Superman is smitten.  Wonder Woman is not.  

The resulting series of super funny text messages by GLEN WELDON is a scream!

Here is a sample.  (BigRedESS is Superman and 1derWymyn is Wonder Woman)

=====================

“BigRedESS (5:33 a.m.): watchin u sleep now 😉

BigRedESS (5:34 a.m.): ur pretty 🙂

BigRedESS (5:45 a.m.): lookin at ur lungs. They r clean haha

BigRedESS (5:46 a.m.): man ur heart is big lol

BigRedESS (5:47 a.m.): i mean like large anatomically haha tho u r really generous too i bet

BigRedESS (5:50 a.m.): wow you got out of bed fast

BigRedESS (5:51 a.m.): mouthwash is in the medicine cabinet top left

1derWymyn (5:52 a.m.): DUDE. WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME? I AM RIGHT HERE.”

=================

The super funny superhero text messagin goes on from there.

Read the whole super funny piece by Glen Weldon here.

Leprechaun with a Gun

Picture of  a Leprechaun

Mixing leprechaun magic and hot lead, Leprechaun with a Gun begins his crimefighting career as an ordinary leprechaun. 

When people catch him to get three wishes, well, that’s just part of being an Irish leprechaun.  

But when they come for his pot of gold, Leprechaun with a Gun fights back.  

One Leprechaun.  One gun.  One beautiful girl.  Well, several beautiful girls.  

One peaceful glen.  One pot of gold.  Lots of bad guys.  Lots of dead bad guys.

Yet to be actually made, the film Leprechaun with a Gun does have previews.  

The critics are buzzing about “the magical superhero with an attitude problem.”

“Leprechaun with a Gun.  Really?  Dumbest idea for a film since Little Tortilla Boy by Pablo Francisco.  And what’s with all the shooting?”

                                                                                    – Leprechaun Film Daily

Worst car chase scene conceivable. A 1972 Pinto chased by a ’71 Gremlin, and a ’73 Vega.  Total resale value about $350. Note to director:  speeding up the film no longer tricks audiences into believing the cars are going fast. The climactic fireball rear-end crash appears to have happened by accident.  Magically moronic.”

                                                                              – Timmy Thompson, Autoswapper Free Flyer

Photo of three cars: a Gremlin, Pinto and a Vega
The Pinto (center), driven by Leprechaun with a Gun, gets simultaneously rear-ended by a Gremlin and a Vega

“The plot is flimsy, with the “pot of gold” sitting in the middle of a field.  Why doesn’t Leprechaun with a Gun just hide his pot of gold in a hollow tree like other leprechauns do?  The ‘hooligans’ attack in groups armed only with shillelaghs and pile up like clay pigeons in a shooting gallery.  Even Sam Peckinpah would have toned down the gratuitous shooting.”

         – Todd “Jack” McMahon, third-year film studies major and future Starbucks employee

“Promulgates negative stereotypes by ignoring accepted stereotypes.  Most leprechauns are peaceful gold hoarders who use their magic powers to grant wishes. Leprechauns are not easily-provoked, hair-trigger gunslingers who use an ordinary snub-nosed revolver to shoot hundreds of lightly armed hooligans.  Enjoyed the car chase, though.”

             – Clive St. James, Well-Endowed Professor of Leprechaun Studies, Harvard Community College

I liked it much.  Please follow me.”

                                                              – Tammy’s Popsiclestick Crafts via Twitter

 Image of Hat & Shillelagh for Leprechaun with a Gun

Don’t come to a gun fight armed only with a Shillelagh

Are you going to listen to some stuffy professor of Leprechaun Studies or buy into the enthusiasm of Tammy’s Popsiclestick Crafts?  YOU be the judge.  Read the script.  See the previews.  Invest in what could be the most controversial leprechaun film of 2012.  

Leprechaun with a Gun, the film, is currently seeking investors who aren’t hung up on “paperwork” and have PayPal.

Breaking Leprechaun News

Tip of the hat cartoonThanks and a tip o’ the hat to the free Irish Clip Art Archive for shillelagh cartoon

How to Be a Superhero: Tips If You Have a Super Power

How to Be a Superhero

photo of a nerd for Do You Have a SuperpowerDo you have a super power?

Don’t do anything until you read the following tips:

1. Do not jump to conclusions

It’s possible you may not actually have a super power.  If you were bitten by a spider, make sure to check that it wasn’t just a regular spider.  Do you merely feel super?  That is no guarantee but it is a good sign.  If you have a superpower, great responsibility is yours.

superhero spiderman
Bitten by a Regular Spider? You May Not Have Received a Superpower

2. Do not tell anyone that you have a super power

If you do have a super power, it is extremely important that you keep it a secret.  If you don’t actually have a super power, it’s also pretty important to keep it secret.  It is your duty to protect friends and loved ones by assuming a secret identity.

3. Decide how to use your super power

If you decide to use your super power to fight crime and help people, you will be categorized as a superhero.  If you decide to use your super power for evil, you are a super villain.  Simple.  But if you use your super power sometimes for good and sometimes for evil, well, you’re probably still going to end up being considered a super villain.  People have very high expectations of superheros: they expect them to be good.  All the time.  If you’re still not sure whether or not you really have a superpower, let me suggest being good, at least for now.

4. Don’t get the suit right away

Superhero suits, especially high-quality ones, with mask, boots, cape and utility belt, are quite expensive.  Yes, a suit is important to protect your secret identity.  You may think a superhero suit is a must.  But if you put it on your credit card assuming your superpowers will allow you to crush coal into diamonds, or find treasure with X-ray vision, and it doesn’t pan out, you may get a call from your credit card company and it will get very complicated explaining the situation without revealing your secret identity.  So don’t get the suit right away.

5. Anticipate skepticismphoto of a critical person

Police and law enforcement types may not welcome your help.  This is natural.  Even if you have a suit, they may not be prepared to partner with you.  The police may question whether or not you really have a super power, whether you should be involved in fighting crime, whether you can find riches quickly, or even whether you should be running around loose.

6. Practice

Start out by helping people in small ways.  If your power is super strength, try helping an old lady with her groceries.  Do NOT try to carry four bags.  Old ladies can be quite grumpy when you drop even some of their groceries.  If you have the power of telepathy or super hypnosis, do not start trying to use it on girls.  Just take my word for it.

7. Introduce yourself to other superheroes

Most superheroes join leagues.  If your town doesn’t have any superheroes, you can search for them on the web.  Again, don’t jump right into telling people that you have super-powers.  Also, keep in mind that some people merely BELIEVE that they have super powers.  This can lead to disappointment when joining a league or confederation that contains such delusional individuals.

8. Try to get a sidekick

All really good superheroes have sidekicks.  Remember: your sidekick does NOT have to have superpowers.  Jimmy Olson, for example, has no superpowers.  It is MUCH easier to find a sidekick without superpowers.  And it’s not that hard if you’re willing to treat for lunches. Make sure to swear your sidekick to secrecy.  This is surprisingly easy, too.

Your Sidekick Should Be Smaller than You Are, But Not Too Much Smaller

 

9. Don’t quit your day job

Fighting crime on a freelance volunteer basis doesn’t pay that well.  If you made the mistake of buying a suit too early you may be tempted to switching over to being a part-time super villain, but as discussed above, that can get complicated.

That’s it!   Hope these tips have helped.  Good luck with your new super power!

Check out:  9 Largely Ignored Superheroes